JUDE.
Defense curls tongue but saying anything is, ironically, thought better of. Instead, he sinks toward the floor once he’s recovered from the shove to creep close to Elliot’s hunched form, crouching beside him and picking up the few pieces of glass that are a glimmer against the flooring. Keen eyes can see see where they’ve landed after projected from frame’s hold by the impact. He may have been ordered to leave, but he can’t find it in himself to obey as he should.
Ears pressed to skull and expression far more easier to read, Jude’s exterior is not as hard as Elliot’s; seldom is it. He talks too fast and too much, lacks tact and pricks nerves, but there is an animal element of raw honesty to him in the presence of should – be threat and contender. So his ongoing apology is scrawled heavy all across his face, in the clench of jaw and the deep drip of pale brows while he wordlessly assists in cleaning up some of the mess he’s caused.
That should be that, but he can’t help but stare at the low – top trashcan and think of the contents tossed inside. Was Elliot going to trash it, just like that? Was it to assuage his ego, to rebuke the sentimentality that had him hold onto such an old photo in the first place? He can’t wrap his head around the why, but cur puts himself at risk of even more violence to dig through glass and retrieve discarded image, slipping it from its velvet backing and thumbing over the tears that now mar the family photo. There are cuts through the center, but beneath one outstretched white rip there are still the sullen, intact eyes of a younger Elliot looking out.
“ Elliot… I don’t want to go. I know you’re pissed, but I don’t want to leave you by yourself to ride it out alone. “ It’s a surprise to himself that voice doesn’t waver, but there is a pleading quality to its acquired softness. There’s a likely chance that the other man won’t ever let him come around again if he leaves him alone now to whatever upset he’s caused: it has to be worse beneath the surface of cool facade. “ And you should keep this… it’s not completely ruined. “ Jude rises to stand, backing up to give Elliot the space to do the same. “ It’s old but you’ve kept it all this time. “ So it obviously means something to you.
———AS OLD AS HE WAS, THINGS FROZEN IN TIME DID NOT MATURE. there were parts unknown to most that he could not bear to show. long sleeves over branded skin and gloves worn to hide marks that never faded, he still looked like he did the day he died. there was weakness in his curse, weakness in everything he was up until now. destroying all traces of his shortcomings had only reminded him they existed.
there was nothing he could do in that moment to prevent himself from shaking. embarrassment mixed with pain, creating the needed ingredients for the perfect storm. was there meaning in this? an ugly emotion that threatened to overflow? mockery had been his initial catalyst, but now it spilled into something closer to pity. pity, he despised more than anything. pity, he would not accept from anyone, most especially jude.
it fell apart like a tower of bricks. hunched over, the man lifted to escape before it all came down on top of him, only to stumble, to grab and steady, to hold jude there with his head hung low. the tremors in his hands hadn’t stopped, and now jude was able to feel them for himself as elliot gripped him by the arms. he lifted his head, face red and dangerously close to tears. mouth open like he intended to speak, the man wet his lips once before the tension broke and the tears began to roll down his face.
❝ fuck. ❞
he said once.
❝ fuck. ❞
he repeated, finally pushing jude aside. it was laughable, really, how much energy he wasted on the other. how his patience had managed a small miracle, not tearing the other apart, but instead swallowing his pride like the bitter pill it was. he let jude get him to the point of tears and he let him have it.